eharmony
It’s been awhile since my last update. Sorry for the wait. But this post will be worth it, I promise.
About a week ago I started getting a flood of new matches from eharmony again. Only this flood was different from the initial flood of matches (never more than 5 per day though). This time, while my matches seemed compatible on a number of different issues there was one big difference: no active mentions of God. In other words…I think eharmony is now matching me with users that I fit well with on everything else besides faith. Hmm…interesting. And too bad.
Example: “charlotte” initiated communication with me. She seemed interesting, smart, very attractive. No mention of faith, other than her listing of “Christian” at the top of the page. We get to sharing must haves/can’t stands. She lists as a must have basically someone who is not a virgin. Hit the brakes.
So, I have a mass of matches right now. Probably 30 or so….and really no communication going on. Pre 2 month flood, I was communicating with about 1:5 matches. Since the drop of faith (all my observations by the way…I don’t have any proof of this…but I’m 99% sure this is what has happened), only 2 of those 30 have initiated communication. Very interesting.
So, what do I do now?
Well, thankfully I’ve been very busy lately, and dating hasn’t been at the top of my priority list, so this lull of intriguing matches has been OK. There are still a few in the 30 or so I have open right now that I will go back and maybe initiate with a few. Again, lots of no pictures. Grrr….
eharmony review
So what do I think so far, now after 2 months. I like many things about how eharmony matches you. One, its allot of fun to wake up each morning and look in your e-mail at new matches. It’s like getting a real letter from someone each day (remember time before e-mail?). Cool. Also, many of my matches have been very compatible with me (read below to see all my dates, ect). Just no “the one” yet….am I disappointed? No, It’s been a blast, and I will continue to look at my matches each morning.
Hey Mark, I’ve been using EH for about a month. I got to open communication with one person and we actually met but it fizzled after that. No big deal.
However, what I did notice is that when I got to open communication with that particular person, I stopped recieving new matches altogether!
After meeting this person and deciding not to pursue it, I wanted to at least thank her for the nice conversation and for taking the time to meet. You know, be a “gentlemen” about the matter. I wasn’t sure if she’d be able to read the open communication message if I sent the message and then closed the match.
I didn’t start getting matches again until after I closed that open communication match. It’s clear to me from that experience that EH stops sending you matches when one reaches open communication. That really sucks, in my opinion.
I have no intention of pursuing multiple relationships, but the fact is that online dating is a NUMBERS game. The whole point is to find what you’re looking for through volume. Why should you stop recieving matches when all that results in many cases is a coffee date? Then you have to start over entirely from scratch. Is their intention to discourage people pursuing multiple relationships? Or is it to artificially stretch out your membership (i.e. the pursuit of the almighty dollar)?
I’ll give EH another month. I have recieved a lot of matches from them, but as others have pointed out, it’s clear that many of those matches are not subscribers and you’ll never hear from them because they probably won’t sign up.
On the flip side, I’m learning quickly that online dating in general is a flaky business. You can’t blame eharmony for that. I’ve started communication with many women and they simply stop communicating. I re-read the questions I sent them and ask myself “Am I being too forward?” or “Am I coming off as not serious?” Obviously they lost interest for one reason or another. So just close the match already!
Since it’s totally anonymous, I wonder why this is so difficult. Maybe a female who uses eharmony can give me some insight on the matter. Am I the “second choice” and she’s chatting it up with guy number 1 and putting me on-hold for awhile?
Gentlemen, I believe I may be of some assistance.
I started answering the multitude of questions and received my free personality profile AAAAAAAAAGES ago and then got frustrated with how lengthy and indepth the initial process was and promptly forgot about eHarmony and put it on the backburner. Truth be told, as a woman, I’ve never had a problem meeting guys and just wasn’t particularly committed to the whole process.
Fast-forward almost A YEAR, and I get an email urging me to take advantage of a “free communication weekend”. It just so happened that I planned on laying low at home that weekend and vegging out in front of the tv and computer, so I went ahead and finished the questionnaire (it took half of Friday and most of Saturday) and got my first influx of compatible matches.
I started the first stages of communication with a gentleman who was apparently also spending the day on his computer, catching up on some work, in his case.
For those of you already familiar with the eHarmony way, the first several stages of interacting with a potential mate are “guided” by the system. You send little mini-questionnaires back and forth to one another, allowing you more insight into the other person’s personality little by little, until you reach the 5th stage, called “open communication”, which allows you to speak freely in your own words, but still through the system.
Because both this particular gentleman and I were online all day, we went through all of these stages in one afternoon. (As this was my first communicado on eHarmony, I wasn’t sure if that was the typical pace or not.)
Unfortunately, I met the young man on the last day of the free weekend, and, as I stated before, as a woman who really can meet men anytime I feel like it, I was not motivated to pay the rather steep subscriber fees in order to keep talking to this one man. However, we did exchange emails before the free weekend ended.
Speaking from my own experience, I would advise those of you who are considering giving up on matches you have not heard from to stick it out a little longer, and I’ll tell you why:
Many dating sites make more than enough income from charging men to join, and attract tons of women by allowing them to join free. Men go where the women are, right? We all know that.
That being the case, many women might not be used to having to pay to join a dating site, and may be put off by subscribing to eHarmony for this reason, not to mention that compared to the “nothing” that they are typically asked to pay, eHarmony is definitely one of the pricier pay services out there.
In my case, I did see several interesting matches in my match list, but I’ve opted to hold out for another free weekend (or other such incentive) before I initiate or respond to any other communication.
It is my belief that many other women who may have been lured to try eHarmony during a free communication promotion may also be waiting for the next one before they go back and start responding to interested matches.
Therefore, my advice would be to wait through one or two more free promos before writing someone off. If you want to get the message across that you are on the verge of closing a match, I would suggest placing them “on hold” first. If another free promotion comes and goes and you still hear nothing, you are fully withing your right to close an incommunicado match.
I hope this helps, guys. Because I believe that in many of these instances, for once, it’s really NOT you, it’s us.
Good luck.
Scott, where are you? What happened? It’s been 2 months… and no posts. What’s up with that? Hmm?
I would love to have an update. I was all interested in your story and then it just left me hanging.
Hi,
honestly. This seems aweful. But you sounded so interesting that I joined wordpress so I could comment on your page. This hasn’t been updated in a while but … hey why not. I’m 22. I’m from Milwaukee area. I “joined” eharmony… which basically means that I got my personality profile and didn’t pay them any money. Because I have no money to pay them. or to spend on them. Honestly I was googling (sp?) coupon codes and then got hooked on reading your site. hooked meaning I read all the entries in a short while. So. I don’t think milwaukee and seattle would be a good thing. But do you know any guys in my area? probably not. I’m not sure why I did this. … um. Have a nice day.
Melodee
Wow!
Were I a woman who, “doesn’t have a problem meeting guys, I wonder why you would care about e-harmony at all?
Curious,
Eric